We often say, “I want to regulate my emotions,” especially when we feel very angry, very sad, or unsure about what to do. Emotional regulation means managing emotions in a healthy way. This does not mean stopping your emotions or preventing yourself from experiencing them. Instead, it means understanding your emotions and responding to them without harming yourself or others. Emotional regulation involves awareness, understanding, and acceptance of emotions, along with the ability to control one’s behaviour during emotional distress. Healthy ways of expressing and managing emotions may include talking to someone, exercising, writing in a journal, meditating, or taking a break when needed. Unhealthy ways may include substance use, avoidance, aggression, self-harm, or other behaviours that provide temporary relief but may create further difficulties in the long term. These unhealthy way arise in situations in which emotions become very strong, overwhelming, or difficult to manage. In such circumstances, an individual may feel unable to cope with the intensity of the emotion and may use unhealthy ways to obtain temporary relief. Emotional dysregulation does not mean that a person is experiencing an emotion incorrectly rather it refers to patterns of emotional experience or behaviour that make it difficult to respond adaptively and engage in goal-directed actions.
Why do we sometimes feel so overwhelmed that we use unhealthy ways to express or manage our emotions? The problem is not necessarily the emotion itself, but may also involve how we interpret the situation. For example, if someone ignores you, you might think that they are angry with you. This interpretation may make you feel anxious or upset, because of which you may avoid that person or continue thinking about the situation. This can create a cycle of negative thoughts, emotions, and behaviours, which is often called a vicious emotional cycle. One way to break this cycle is to examine and change unhelpful thoughts. Changing thoughts may influence emotions and behaviour, making it easier to express or respond to emotions in a healthier way. You can ask yourself what are the triggere, what part is difficult for me, what can do for myself, and something that I can use in future as well and one of the most important questions what is keeping this cycle in motion. People may sometimes engage in self-harm when emotions become very strong and overwhelming. Self-harm can function as an attempt to escape or cope with emotional pain and may provide short-term relief. However, this relief does not resolve the underlying problem and may be followed by shame, guilt, or a worsening emotional state, which can contribute to a repeated cycle of self-harm.Unhelpful behaviours may provide temporary relief, but they do not solve the underlying problem. Learning healthy ways to respond to emotions and exploring the deeper beliefs connected to your thoughts can help support emotional regulation.
