~ Jiya Chopra, Intern
There is a picture of motherhood that we see everywhere. A mother holding her baby smiling even though she is tired and feeling a lot of love. We are told that having a baby is one of the moments in a woman’s life. But what if it does not feel that way? For some mothers when they have a baby they feel love and excitement but they also feel sad, scared, tired, guilty and completely overwhelmed. When these feelings get very strong and do not go away they might be signs of postpartum depression.
The hard part is that many mothers do not know what is happening to them. They think, “I should be happy I have a baby. Why do I feel this way?” It is hard for them to say something is wrong because they feel like they should be thankful.
Having a baby changes everything in a person’s life. You do not sleep well, your routine is gone and your body is different. Now you have to take care of another person. There are also a lot of changes and you have to recover from being pregnant and giving birth. For some women all of these changes can affect how they feel emotionally.
Postpartum depression can look different than what people think depression looks like. A mother might cry a lot or feel sad all the time but she might also feel angry, not care about things, worry all the time, not feel connected to her baby or not enjoy things she used to like. She might have trouble sleeping when the baby is sleeping, feel like she is not good enough or think she is failing as a mother. This is where people saying “You should be happy” can be very hurtful.
People often think that mothers should know how to take care of everything without any help. When a mother is struggling she might blame herself for needing help. Her family might also say she is just tired or that she needs to be stronger. While it is normal to be tired after having a baby, if a mother is feeling very sad or upset all the time she needs help, not just people telling her to be stronger.
Getting help can make a difference. It can start with someone asking a mother “How are you really doing?” and listening to what she says without judging her. Helping her with things around the house, letting her rest, going with her to doctors appointments and reminding her that it is okay to ask for help can be extremely considerate.
It is also important to know that postpartum depression does not mean a mother does not love her baby. A mother can love her baby much and still feel sad or upset. These two things can happen at the time. Sometimes a mother needs to talk to a doctor or a therapist to get help. They can help her understand what is happening and find a way to feel better. Getting help should not be seen as a weakness, it is a way for a mother to take care of herself and her baby.
Maybe we need to change how we talk about mothers. Or just asking, “Is the baby healthy?” we should also ask, “Is the mother okay?” Because for a baby to be healthy the mother needs to be taken care of too. Being a mother should not mean that the mother disappears. Sometimes taking care of the baby starts with taking care of the mother.
