What is self-worth?
Contingent self-worth means feeling good about yourself only when you meet certain standards or when certain things happen. A person who holds this belief strongly doesn’t just feel disappointed when they fail or get criticised. They start questioning their own worth.
What is self-esteem?
Self-esteem is how a person evaluates their own worth or value. If someone’s self-worth depends on achievement, they feel good about themselves when they achieve something. Someone whose self-worth is not limited to achievement will also feel disappointed when they fail, but that disappointment will not define their entire worth.
Areas on which self-worth is based
People commonly base their self-worth on seven areas: academic competence, appearance, approval from others, competition, family love and support, moral goodness, and God’s love.
How contingent self-worth affects a person’s life
Making self-worth conditional can affect motivation, emotions, learning, relationships and behaviour. It can lead to emotional instability, pressure to prove oneself, difficulty learning from mistakes, problems in relationships, and avoidance and self-protection.
Emotional instability: When a person’s worth depends on a particular outcome, their mood and self-esteem rise and fall with that outcome. Pressure to prove oneself: Instead of focusing on learning and improving, the person focuses on proving that they are capable. Difficulty learning from mistakes: Mistakes become threats to the person’s identity rather than chances to improve. Problems in relationships: A person who depends heavily on others’ approval finds it very hard to disagree, set boundaries, or tolerate criticism. Avoidance and self-protection: The person may avoid situations where failure or criticism is possible. They may also make excuses or blame circumstances to protect their self-image.
Alternatives to conditional self-worth
Instead of holding conditional beliefs about themselves, a person can develop healthier alternatives. The goal is not to stop caring about achievements or relationships. It is to stop treating them as the only proof of your personal worth.
