How to Support a Friend’s Mental Health
~ Jiya Chopra, Intern
We all recognize when someone is acting a little differently, someone’s silent in a group chat, suddenly drops plans, or just seems different. Sometimes we write it off as them being busy, or having a bad day. But it could also be an indication that they’re not doing well mentally. You can’t fix how someone is feeling, but just having one good friend can really help.
The first step is just being aware. An acquaintance who seems to be having a rough time may not ask for help outright. They may start to isolate themselves, stop engaging in activities they used to love, act out of character by being short or irritated, or talk about feeling hopeless. Instead of waiting for them to make the first move, reach out. An email or text that says, “I’ve been thinking about you. How are you?” can be the proverbial knock that they didn’t have the courage to make.
What people do wrong most of the time is try to make everything “okay” straight away. If someone tells you about a problem you automatically feel the need to give advice or say “cheer up” or something else to stop that person feeling down. As caring as this is, it can sometimes have the opposite effect and make that person feel worse, like what they are saying is in some way not good enough or not important enough to be listened to.
All people want is to be listened to without judgement or anger or anything else. You don’t need to have the perfect thing to say, just a “that sounds really hard” or “i’m glad you told me” can be so much more supportive.Helping a friend also involves giving them time. We all have our own rhythm. Some may want to talk for hours, while others may take time before they can open up. Don’t try to force them to reveal additional information if they are comfortable. Instead, just remind them that you are there for them anytime they need you. It’s best to be consistent rather than intense. Having weekly check-ins on the phone or through a short text or a hilarious meme will assure them you haven’t disappeared.
Supporting someone may include encouragement to seek professional assistance. Often, people are reluctant to seek help because of fear or the stigma associated with it or simply because they are unsure. Do not automatically put the idea in their mind, but in a non-pressuring manner, try to suggest it as an option and one of many supports. For example, try to help them find out about local therapists or offer to go with them to their first appointment if they would like company. It takes a lot of strength to ask for professional help.
On the same note, it is vital that you accept your own boundaries. While being a shoulder to cry on can be a valuable contributor to friendships it is not your place to be someone’s therapist. If your friend is emotional for you to deal with, it is still normal to allow yourself to take a step back. You can’t give from an empty cup and ensuring you are in the right head space is the best way you can help your friends.
Sometimes, a friend may discuss self harming or saying that they no longer wish to live. These can be frightening, but should be treated very seriously and you need to stay calm. Listen without judging, get professional help for them as soon as possible, and if you are worried they are in immediate danger of hurting themselves, get a family member that you can trust or call emergency services. It is better to upset someone than to ignore your concerns.
Finally, don’t underestimate these small acts, they are often more powerful than grand ones. Sitting in silence with a friend, asking them for a walk, remembering that important day, and even just sending a message that says: ‘I’m here if you need me’ can simply let them know that you are there for them.
Recovery is a long and unpredictable process. Some days will be better than others. As a friend there isn’t much that you can do or say, but you can be there for compassion and patience and provide a place where they feel accepted. A little hope to realize that there is someone who truly cares could be the first step.
